One of the most common questions meditators just starting out ask is: “How do I allow my experience just to be as it is, without meeting it with struggle or resistance, especially when it is unpleasant?”
Here are two responses:
1. Compassion.
Acknowledge that you are in pain, that you are finding it hard, and that that’s ok. Often just by noticing the presence of struggle or resistance, it falls away all by itself.
2. Whatever it is, it’s already here.
What does this mean? Well it means that actually you don’t need to do anything extra here to “allow” or “let be”. Awareness is, by its very nature, completely open, allowing everything in without effort. Struggle and resistance are just a part of the story we add on. If you can connect with this simple awareness, then just rest in that.
The Pay Off
Mindfulness is a path of opening to the full spectrum of human experience; pleasure and pain, hope and fear, joy and sorrow.
We simply can’t rid ourselves of unpleasant experiences, life is unpredictable and we all face misfortune and hardship.
And yet in spite of this when we experience something unpleasant, the default reaction for many of us is to struggle against it, to try to push it away, or go into problem solving mode and attempt to fix it.
Simply opening to the unpleasant without fear or reactivity is a special challenge, not just in meditation but in life generally, and that requires practice.
First we need self-compassion. Without a basic level of compassion for ourselves then unpleasant experiences can so easily be weaponised by the inner critic and become overwhelming – feeding into the fear, feelings of failure, self-judgement and harsh self-narratives we tell ourselves.
“I’m no good”
“There’s something wrong with me”
But once we learn how to turn towards our experience compassionately we develop the resilience to face up to the unpleasant and let it in.
The more we practice this, the more our mind develops an inner balance, evenness, or steadiness that isn’t so shaken by the changing flavours of experience.
This calm, clear and steady quality of mind is called ‘equanimity’ (kind of like the special sauce of mindfulness practice).
